December 6th 20 years later

It has been 20 years since Marc Lepine gunned down 14 women at L’Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal specifically because they were women.

This will be the 20th year of speeches and vigils commemorating those murders, of remembering lost hopes and possibilities, of committing ourselves once again to working to eliminate violence against women.

For those of us older than 35 or so, December 6, 1989 is a date indelibly marked on our brain and in our soul. We will forever remember where we were and what we were doing, just as anyone over the age of about 20 remembers every detail of what we were doing on September 11, 2001.

It is shocking to realize that there are now adult women and men who have no memory of their own of this event, university and college students involved in events to mark this event who were not born when the massacre happened.

But to what end do we remember and commemorate?

We know the rhetoric: First mourn, then work for change.

We attend the vigils, we wear the rose button, we give money, we give our time.

But what, really, are we changing?

We seem destined to repeat bad history whatever we do. We know the horrors of Hiroshima and Rwanda, but we still make war. We know of countless examples of genocide, yet the evil of racism continues to flourish. We know what poverty does to people, but we have seemingly done nothing to end it. We have seen firsthand the inevitable results of ignoring our environment, but ecological degradation and destruction continue.

Apparently, ending violence against women is no different.

Shelters are still full. Women and children who have left abusive husbands and fathers are still relying on food banks to put meals on the table by the end of the month. Women continue to return to their abusers because they feel they have no other choice. Men charged with assaulting their wives are still handed slaps on the wrist that do nothing to ensure they don’t do it again. Women who turn to the family court for help often must make their way through the court unrepresented and come out the door with custody orders that force them to remain in contact with their abuser.

And women continue to be murdered – approximately 70 a year in Canada. Put another way, between 2000 and 2006, five times as many women in this country were killed by their partners or former partners as police officers and soldiers (including those serving in Afghanistan) were killed – 500 compared to 100.

Finding an effective strategy for making the changes that will eradicate violence against women and children is not easy.

But it is not impossible.

We can make sure the schools in our community have books that depict positive images of girls and women. We can make sure the school curriculum offers literature courses that include books by women authors, history courses that talk about the fight for women's suffrage, math courses that include girls and women in the exercises. We can support equal funding for girls' sports at schools.

We can challenge our religious institutions to make women's equality a priority.

In our workplaces, we can insist that sexist calendars and pictures be removed. We can watch for sexual harassment. We can organize workshops on harassment and other topics to help educate everyone we work with. We can offer support to our coworkers who are dealing with violence in their homes.

When women or children tell us that bad things happen at home, we can believe and support them.

We can remember that violence against women cuts across all social boundaries -- there is no universal sign painted on a man's face that identifies him as an abuser.
Whether we know it or not, people we know are being abused and are abusing.

We can get involved in campaigns to address violence against women, whether those are campaigns to end women’s and children’s poverty, to reform the law or others. There is one that each one of us could find to support.

We can support organizations working towards women’s equality and an end to violence against women with our time or our money. Every one of us can find one in our community (for example, the women’s shelter, rape crisis centre, women’s counselling centre or food bank) or at the national level (National Association of Women and the Law, Feminist Alliance for International Action, Canadian Research Institute for the Advancement of Women, etc.) to support.

We can hold the media, the police and the government accountable by writing letters every time we hear of inappropriate words or actions.

Sometimes most difficult -- we can challenge ourselves about our own sexism. We can speak out every time we see or hear sexism in our daily lives.

There is no perfect choice. Whatever we do will be fraught with challenges and uncertainties. But we cannot allow that to paralyze us. Our silence and inaction make us complicit with the violence.

Action brings us one step closer to ensuring equality for women and eradicating violence against women and children.

December 6th seems an appropriate time to share a wonderful poem by Marge Piercy.

The Low Road

What can they do
to you? Whatever they want,
they can set you up, they can
bust you, they can break
your fingers, they can
burn your brain with electricity
blur you with drugs till you
can't walk, can't remember, they can
take your child, wall up
your lover. They can do anything
you can't stop them
from doing. How can you stop
them? Alone, you can fight. You can refuse, you can
take what revenge you can
they roll over you.

But two people fighting
back to back can cut through
a mob, a snake-dancing file
can break a cordon, an army
can meet an army
two people can keep each other
sane, can give support, conviction,
love, massage, hope, sex.
Three people are a delegation,
a committee, a wedge. With four
you can play bridge and start
an organization. With six, you can rent a whole house,
eat pie for dinner with no seconds and hold a fundraising party.

A dozen makes a demonstration, a hundred fill a hall.
A thousand have solidarity and your own newsletter,
ten thousand, power and your own paper,
a hundred thousand, your own media, ten million, your own country.

It goes on one at a time,
it starts when you care
to act, it starts when you do
it again after they said no.
it starts when you say WE
and you know who you mean, and each
day you mean one more.